I can remember a time when I was called a habitual complainer. I complained when my man didn’t call me. I complained when he said he’d call me back, but didn’t. I complained if he’d given me a gift but it wasn’t what I wanted. I’d complain about how the gift was presented to me.
It seemed like nothing was ever to my standard. The truth is that I needed to examine my expectations because they got me in trouble. I was trying to force my agenda onto him and onto our relationship.
I feel like you can relate to me when I say that we women have a picture of what we want our long-term relationship to look like and how it starts, and if anything doesn’t measure up to that mental image, we get nervous.
So when the nervousness kicks in, so does our desire to control. For me, it manifested in how I responded to his gift giving. I complained and made it his responsibility for making me happy on my birthday. I was even giving him a script… instruction, for HOW he should interact with me. Horrible!
My big wish for you is to acknowledge that at the core of your complaint is a desire.
To know your desires you must know yourself. Deciding what you want is the first step! More importantly, knowing how to express your desire will determine whether you get it or not.
So if a man has ever called you crazy, or given you this look…
…this is why.
You don’t know what you want! When your man asks you how are you feeling… you respond. “I don’t know… I’m just feeling some kind of way!”
That kind of responds leads to drama. It’s the type of response that indicates you have a concern or an issue, but you’re uncomfortable expressing your desire.
Or, you don’t know what’s going on. All you know is that you want attention. So you act out because the people in your life have been letting you slide. That’s the type of response of a spoiled girl who get’s the crazy label.
Tactic: Learn how to express your desires. But focus on the end result, not on giving instruction on how he should give it to you. When you express your desires, tell him in a way self-honoring and becoming of an calm, alluring, and feminine woman, not some crazy chick who has no control over herself or how her emotions surface.
Men are not mind readers! Perhaps you’re thinking well… “we’ve been together for this much time now, he should know what I want.” He should be studying you. But, men and woman are vastly different. Asking him to guess, or expecting him to know what you want because you’ve been with him for a while is unfair. Plus, you can’t set him up for the win when he’s unaware of your desires.
Sometimes, we try to avoid admitting what we want because it makes us uneasy. Perhaps you don’t want to appear selfish, but the truth is a woman who’s clear about what she wants is attractive because she holds herself in high regard, and she knows the desires of her own mind and heart. You honor yourself when you’re willing to express what you want and it’s one of the most refined ways to do so.
Expressing your desires is about letting the man in your life know what you need, what you want, and what you like. BUT, be sure that you’re hoping, not expecting.
A man who’s for you wants to please you. When you express your desires, you set your man up for success. It’s almost as if you’re giving him the guidebook (not a script) on how to make you happy. When you set him up for the win, he operates from a place of success. The more successful a man feels at pleasing you, the more likely he’ll want to keep seeing you and keep pleasing you. You’re bringing purpose to his life.
Click here to learn more about how you gain by bringing purpose to a man’s life or setting him up for the win.
To your enhancement,