If you knew your power, you’d exercise your charm more often

Monique Brown - Feminine Allure Academy

Whether you admit it or not, you reign in a higher position of influence. Regarding men, we influence them more than they influence us.

Since charm is the quality of giving delight or of arousing admiration, consider it your gift offering to the world. There’s no reason to diminish your quality or to reduce it to a form of manipulation. Your feminine allure is a tool, an asset like any other. This is what I teach in my Art of Allure program.

And, guess what else? An alluring woman is a magnet for her desires.

In her, people behold the most ideal reflection of themselves.

So, to operate in your feminine allure, you must first change the way you think about yourself, your approach to life. This is done by removing the negative self talk that’ll tell you you must wait to until you lose weight to buy that dress. I say, “Buy it now!”  You’ll develop the motivation and gain confidence to change your habits, because you’ll feel better.

It means doing away with the stubbornness that supports your refusal be the influential woman you’re called to be because you think “he hasn’t earned it yet.”

Perhaps you don’t even want to know your power or your level of influence because you’re going to start attracting more into your life. Yet, you don’t want anybody doing anything for you because you don’t want anyone to say “you owe me.”

I get it.

But, how long will you continue to play small? How long will you continue to struggle before moving forward in faith, confidence, and grace?

I want to tell you that there’s more for you on the other side. So start practicing now because everyday presents an opportunity to exercise your charm. When you exercise your charm you become a magnet for your desire.

Here’s how…

  1. Give yourself credit- “Every woman is God’s child and as such, owes certain respect for her inherent characteristics.”  Because of this, you can have faith in your own capacity to feel, to be vulnerable, and to influence.
  2. Receive with grace- If your habit is not to accept or ask for support, you are cutting off one of the most attractive forces the feminine has. Learning to receive and to allow others to nurture us is critical in our capacity to know love.
  3. Profit from personal presentation- A woman’s image is her calling card to great things. But, don’t allow your mind to drift to physical beauty only because. So be mindful and do things to enhance image. This includes being active in your community allowing people to experience you serving the world, getting your body (& health) right, and investing in yourself.

To your enhancement,

Monique

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You Can Do Better Than “I’m Grown”

 

I walked past a light post the other day, and guess what I did? 

I grabbed that pole and swung around it.

 And, guess what sound came out of my mouth as I swung?

It was the sound of happiness, of playfulness. It was “Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

A gentleman saw me. He smiled at me and said, “ I like that!”

I blushed.

Monique Brown- Feminine Allure Academy

As we mature and experience life, we wake up feeling overwhelmed by the to-do lists. We feel guilt at the un-productivity of a snow day, and we just don’t stop to smell the roses.

We have lost our childlike traits. Part of our societal conditioning has trained the childlikeness and femininity right out of us so much so that some of us reject our feminine desires.  We’re made wrong for being in tune emotionally and for being feeling creatures.

 

 What results when a woman’s feminine allure is made wrong?

 

She hides it and becomes a colorless creature. Women who are in this barren condition are dismal and make others around them dismal and miserable. It crops up as poker-faced, depression, learned helplessness, or “I got it” attitude.

 

The truth is that a part of us is dying because we’re afraid. And, to be an alluring woman you cannot be afraid of your vulnerability, your childlikeness, your ability to play, to feel, and to influence.

 

At the heart of your feminine allure is the childlikeness… not to be confused with childishness. Childlikeness is playful, trusting, joyful. It’s amusing, and “a childlike quality of the mind really means a mind which is fresh, which sees things as if for the first time.”

 

A woman who retains this childlike joy can still feel the joy of being alive. She can delight in the bubbles in her bubble bath or the warmth of the sun that shines on her during her morning commute. She’s in awe at the changing of the leaves, or the intricate design and majesty of nature.

 

An alluring and childlike woman approaches life with friskiness, flare, and fun. She plays to her strengths and improves her weaknesses. Because of her absorbing interest in life, she keeps men guessing (which diminishes any fear in men that she’s bored with life and hunting for a man as an escape). 

Here’s what I’ve been noticing lately about my childlike nature.  I hope it encourages you to embody your allure by embracing a life of playfulness, friskiness, and flare.  

 

  1. I step on fallen leaves, just to hear the crunchy sound it makes.
  2. I read one of my favorite children’s book. Lately, I’ve been feeling Hailstones and Halibut Bones. I used this book a lot when I taught high school English.
  3. At work, I spin in my chair and pretend that I’m a member of Cirque de Soleil. I point my toes too.
  4. I go the card section at the grocery store or drugstore and read the Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, or Holiday cards just to have a good cry. No need to be a shero, just let it go.
  5. I call my mom just to tell her “I love you.”

What will you do to invoke your childlike spirit? Leave a comment below. 

To your enhancement,

Monique

P.S. Mark your calendar for Tuesday, November 25th. I’m hosting a LIVE virtual soiree.  Please plan to join me. 

“I’m afraid that if I don’t react, his behavior will continue”

I sense that you’re frustrated, and I wonder if Ashley’s story resonates with you.

Anticipating a great birthday gift in the morning from her man, Ashley couldn’t sleep the night before.  First thing in the morning, she ran to the dining room to see if her special surprise was placed on the table.

Nothing.

After she got dressed, and on her way to the door, she saw the jumbo red gift bag on the island in the kitchen.  What she pulled from the bag didn’t thrill her. After inquiring about the gift, Ashley discovered her jewelry was purchased at the black expo just the day before.

It wasn’t clear whether or not Ashley was actually used to a certain standard of jewelry. What was clear was that she expected more. She said her thanks, but inside she as rather disappointed.

Since gift giving is her love language, she wants to make sure that going forward, he knows that those sorts of gifts, from that kind of place, don’t make the cut.

She wrote to me, “any gift is nice, but sometimes men will take the easy way out of true thought and effort when it comes to things like dates, birthday presents, etc. Won’t saying ‘thank you’ and ‘smiling’ give reinforcement that this level of care/thought is ok?”

Fearful that if she didn’t react, his behavior would continue and she might get a similar gift in the future. So, she defaulted to using her words as her weapon rather than her wand.

For you, maybe it’s not a birthday gift. Despite his good qualities, maybe it’s that:

  • he works, but you notice his ambition is diminishing
  • he hasn’t made a doctor’s appointment in years
  • he hasn’t bought you the house he said he would
  • you don’t go out like you used to
  • things simply go undone

There’s a big misconception that if we show gratitude, we accept that behavior. I submit to you that when your man knows you’re appreciative, it inspires him to do more for you. When he feels appreciated, he feels as though he’s set up to win. When he’s set up to win, then he operates from a place of success.

Consider it a win for yourself too because you’ll directly benefit from that success.

“So, how do we show appreciation but also let it be known that mediocrity isn’t acceptable?”

Hidden in every complaint is your desire. The Surrendered Wife, suggests that “when you tell your husband what you want, without telling him, when, why, and how you want him to get it- without controlling him-you are giving him a new opportunity to feel accomplished and proud about how happy he makes you. Letting him please you will make you feel adored and intimate.”

Stating your desires purely means concentrating on the result you want, not the path he should take to get there.

When you resist the urge to indulge the critical side and reconsider your expectations, then you’re able drop your agenda and focus on showing appreciation and expressing your desires without “blowing up”, making it easier for your man to please you. This is what he really wants.

I invite you to continue the conversation in the comments or over at the clubhouse. What does this bring up for you?

To Your Enhancement,
Monique

P.S. Want to do a 15-minute chat with me about how you can Awaken Your Allure? I only have 5 complimentary spots remaining for the rest of October. Just hit reply to this email.

There’s More for You on the Other Side of Resistance

I just wanted to share something with you. I was on Facebook the other night and saw this post:

feminine allure

Whether you’re a single woman, a girlfriend, or a wife it’s likely that this statement resonates with you. Having male companionship is satisfying because we believe it helps relieve the overwhelm of daily living, and most often, it does.

But, the dilemma with her statement is the assumption that having a “help-mate” will alleviate her overwhelm. It assumes that perhaps he’ll make dinner, perform some chores around the house, or even help her finish her errands.

But what if he doesn’t?

What if, when she arrived home at 8:09pm overwhelmed and exhausted, her “help-mate” is on the couch watching the game, with dirty dishes in the sink, and no evidence that he made effort to prepare a meal; but, he asks, “what are we gonna do for dinner?”

How would you respond?

My guess is that your first inclination is something like this, “whatchu been doing since you’ve been home? Why didn’t you make something for us? OMG! Must I do everything around here for it to get done?”

This is the reality of many married women and the fear of many single women.

I say this to say that life seems fairly easy when we live alone. We’ve developed our own way of doing things. We have our routine, our way of how we like things done, our rules, and as one aspiring allurer reflected in our recent Awaken Your Allure session, “I don’t put myself in a position where I’m out of the rules.”

But, what happens when he’s out of the rules?

What happens when he doesn’t respond the way:

You think he should?

You thought he would?

You think he ought to respond?

You expect him to be?

Most often, when he’s outside the rules, there’s a tendency to resist.

I’m probably accurate when I say that you consider yourself a sweet person. You’re smart, compassionate, and generous, but in a case like this, you can’t help but to give the silent treatment or give attitude.

If you’re hungry but tired, you can “eat some almonds and sliced turkey” and call it a night, but probably not without complaining about his laziness.

You can also make dinner… but not without letting him know, in either word or deed, how frustrated you are.

Or, in the alternative, you can focus on satisfying your own desires and needs, because when you do, you operate in your feminine allure.

A recent study by Sandra Lackenbauer suggests that our behavior in relationships is predicted by who we blame. If it’s his fault, the blame that we often carry creates resistance that taints that way we see our men. Everything he does is filtered through that lens of resistance. Our view of our partners creates a behavioral response in us that sounds like blame, nagging, and control.

But, it doesn’t have to be this way. You become a better woman when you operate on the other side of resistance. Instead of his faults, concentrate on your own potential.

When you concentrate on your own potential, instead of his faults, then you can advocate for yourself with grace, you regain your sense of dignity, and you build a level of influence to inspire your man, rather obligate him.

I welcome your thoughts?

Oh by the way…. in case you haven’t heard, John proposed. We’re getting married!!

feminine allure academy

Now Hiring

Feminine Allure Academy™

Before the Feminine Allure Academy™ grows any further, I’m looking to hire a Go-To-Gal to help with the following aspects of a few events I’m planning:

  • Scheduling and email follow up
  • Speaker management
  • Social media planning and management
  • Copywriting/ Drafting promotional emails
  • Helping me cross out my To-Do list

This is for you if you:

  • Are time management obsessed
  • Are extremely organized
  • Are efficient
  • Are Internet, computer, and social media savvy
  • Have design/ Photoshop experience (optional)
  • Are detailed and process oriented
  • Can take bigger visions and break them into chunks for completion

This position is paid, part-time, and though I’d prefer someone in St. Louis, the position is virtual.

TO APPLY:

If you’d like to apply for this position, please follow the instructions below.

  1. Email me at: motorcitymoxie(at)gmail(dot)com by Tuesday, July 1st with the following.
  2. Subject line: APPLICATION
  3. Include: why you want to work for the Feminine Allure Academy™ and what skills you bring to the table. Also tell me:
  4. 3 ideas you have for the motorcitymoxie.com, and one area you feel could be improved with your help.
  5. A formal resume is not required. Evaluation is based on the steps outlined above.

I’ll read each application and respond to you personally after the deadline.

Thank you very much for your interest.

Monique