I sense that you’re frustrated, and I wonder if Ashley’s story resonates with you.
Anticipating a great birthday gift in the morning from her man, Ashley couldn’t sleep the night before. First thing in the morning, she ran to the dining room to see if her special surprise was placed on the table.
After she got dressed, and on her way to the door, she saw the jumbo red gift bag on the island in the kitchen. What she pulled from the bag didn’t thrill her. After inquiring about the gift, Ashley discovered her jewelry was purchased at the black expo just the day before.
It wasn’t clear whether or not Ashley was actually used to a certain standard of jewelry. What was clear was that she expected more. She said her thanks, but inside she as rather disappointed.
Since gift giving is her love language, she wants to make sure that going forward, he knows that those sorts of gifts, from that kind of place, don’t make the cut.
She wrote to me, “any gift is nice, but sometimes men will take the easy way out of true thought and effort when it comes to things like dates, birthday presents, etc. Won’t saying ‘thank you’ and ‘smiling’ give reinforcement that this level of care/thought is ok?”
Fearful that if she didn’t react, his behavior would continue and she might get a similar gift in the future. So, she defaulted to using her words as her weapon rather than her wand.
For you, maybe it’s not a birthday gift. Despite his good qualities, maybe it’s that:
- he works, but you notice his ambition is diminishing
- he hasn’t made a doctor’s appointment in years
- he hasn’t bought you the house he said he would
- you don’t go out like you used to
- things simply go undone
There’s a big misconception that if we show gratitude, we accept that behavior. I submit to you that when your man knows you’re appreciative, it inspires him to do more for you. When he feels appreciated, he feels as though he’s set up to win. When he’s set up to win, then he operates from a place of success.
Consider it a win for yourself too because you’ll directly benefit from that success.
“So, how do we show appreciation but also let it be known that mediocrity isn’t acceptable?”
Hidden in every complaint is your desire. The Surrendered Wife, suggests that “when you tell your husband what you want, without telling him, when, why, and how you want him to get it- without controlling him-you are giving him a new opportunity to feel accomplished and proud about how happy he makes you. Letting him please you will make you feel adored and intimate.”
Stating your desires purely means concentrating on the result you want, not the path he should take to get there.
When you resist the urge to indulge the critical side and reconsider your expectations, then you’re able drop your agenda and focus on showing appreciation and expressing your desires without “blowing up”, making it easier for your man to please you. This is what he really wants.
I invite you to continue the conversation in the comments or over at the clubhouse. What does this bring up for you?
To Your Enhancement,
P.S. Want to do a 15-minute chat with me about how you can Awaken Your Allure? I only have 5 complimentary spots remaining for the rest of October. Just hit reply to this email.